Enjoy a drink on one of my special coasters. Yea I custom made them (the coasters) to be so light the drinks condensation makes em stick to the bottom of your glass, but still heavy enough that when it (the coaster) finally clatters to the ground it’s loud as fuck and shatters your nerves and makes you spill your drink everywhere. Why am I doing this? Well, it’s a sex thing for me
Had a dream that I was going to band camp on the moon and to save fuel they had us leave our instruments and clothes behind and only use the camp uniforms and equipment. When we deboarded the space shuttle my middle school band teacher handed me a spacesuit and a box that looked exactly like a box of pasta with the little cellophane window, but instead of pasta there were very tiny woodwind pieces and it said BASSOON on it. “BASSOON: add water.”
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like this
Ok this is all fine and good but op why the hell were you marching a bassoon
I dunno, but I like how this was the most unreasonable part of the dream to you.
i was at shipwreck cove and all the pirate lords were talking about how well-fitting and imposing my captain’s hat is and they didn’t even mention you, your ship or your crew
everyone at the liar’s dice game wishes to know me carnally
what if we were pirates…. and we got scurvy…. and we’re both boys?? 😏😳
stop shooting cannonballs at my ship. you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid
ughhh 🙄 just woke up marooned on a small deserted island. cant have shit on the seven seas 🙄
sorry i started a mutiny do you still think i’m hot
yo ho ho matey pass me that bottle of cum SORRY i mean cum sorry i mean rum. haha 😳
they call me a buccaneer the way im bucking when im near 😏
i need to be the most fuckable person in the brig 😩
sorry i was out all night crew. i was plundering some booty. what? no i didn’t bring back any dubloons. i meant i was fucking some guy
imagine getting jumped by a bunch of scallywags and you hear one of them say “take his ass to davy jones’ locker”
haters will see me sail the seas to my heart’s content and say he will never be a privateer
i’m on your ship throwing hardtack at your first mate’s head full speed
of course you have a hook hand and pronouns 🙄
-you arrive at isla de muerta lookin for treasure but im already in there eating all the aztec gold-
gay as fuck for a man to be a pirate. who are you signaling to with that little flag. other men??
i showed you my cutlass please respond
It’s always “why did you swing on the rigging off the ship” and “man overboard” and “your soaking wet” and never How was the sea The sea looked fun was it fun
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